there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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