Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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