so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
