Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
