I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
