Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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