Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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