Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can you bring me the toilet please
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
