I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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