why didn't you poke me back
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
