Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The best revenge is premature balding
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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