He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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