Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
