I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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