I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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