it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
