Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
