I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
