google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
