morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
