In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
