The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
