It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
