She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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