none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize