You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
