Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
