I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
