girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
