Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
