Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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