dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize