sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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