Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
