My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
