Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
