So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
