You're my little dorito
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
