i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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