Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
