My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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