someone threw a dead crab at me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
