Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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