i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
