Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
birth control should be required to get into college
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
