after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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