pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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