it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
