we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
