Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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