My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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