you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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