Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
