When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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