how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
