You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
