just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
