Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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