some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
