okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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