Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize