My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
