Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
