fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
