The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
