My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
