I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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