So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
