My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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