she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
