hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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