3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
