Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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